LAUGHING leads to CRYING

Brutal Assault is the biggest festival we have on this run. and as such, the biggest one we looking forward to. 30,000 or something like that. its massive. 2 massive stages in some sort of old army barracks.. All kinds of bands playing over 3 days. anticipation rockets. What should of been the best gig.............. ended up as the worst. On stage things wer plugged in wrong. ponytail 1 the dozy twat has wired in wrong .ponytail 2 the monitor tit dosnt know what day it is. just looking at the soundboard with no clue. and thus more guitar turns into deafening drums. The language barrier evaporates as both spastics understand our anger towards them and the V's fly. To add insult to injury, when we doin FINALLY get going. one of them runs past and breaks Marks lead. Fucking schoolboy error. Replace the lead. dosnt work. Replace the head, no joy.replace the cab. still nowt, replace the bass guitar itself. nope. mayaswell fucking replace mark himself and get the set. Turns out that Mark was given a broken cable as a replacement. FARCE. We play and we done. We get an big apology from the promoter with a promise of being asked back. End up  walking around the whole place to cool down. saw some tanks and guns , eating our dinner backstage with Sepultura and watching Obituary on the same stage we wer on. 

O' VIENNA

THOMAS OUR HOST TOOK US TO EAT SOME TRADITIOANL AUSTRIAN FOOD AND SEE THE SIGHTS,SO AFTER GETTING SOME RED CRUTCHES WE WER OFF.

WE WENT BY TRAM WITH THIS OLD MAN

BRONTO RIBS - JUST LIKE THE FLINTSTONES

PASTA SOUP THING and SALAD for HEALTHY GUTS

TIME U GET WER U WANT-UR SPOT HAS POPPED AND YOUR OLD

Casseopia 'CRETE

DIY - MIX POUR CREATE

SECRET BOWL - SPECTATOR FREE

DAS WALL

Grabke wallride fot in RAD mag. THICK COPING

So we played Casseopia in Berlin last night.Our 2nd time in this city. (mor pics sooon) the place shits on everything in the uk. They have a outdoor cinema,( showing some ben yawn stiller film) - eased, a climbing walls on this old building, bars, cafes, MEGA sk8park, venue, grafitti everywere. No problems, No noise, No violence. people police themselves we got told. VERY rare to see the coppers. people flying round on bikes everywere. Bikes have the right of way on the road just like Holland. Great stuff.  So went the Berlin wall.Checkpoint Charlie. INFO---->>>   BERLIN WALL history click here in the morn. Mad to think that this wall and its infamous "death strip" once existed.I remember when this came down too. watched it on the telly. and it wernt that twat hasselhoff that did it neither. After admiring the remains-went to a vegan burger cafe that served up 25 differnt types of hellfire. it was called Yo Yo's. Everywere we went there was vegi places. cafes. mello atmospher. people coming and going. bikes , bikes, bikes. Advise a visit soon if you havent bin.

Ronald Reagan famously said: "Mr. Hasselhoff, tear down this wall!" - TWAT

DAS BOOT

GULLIVERS WORLD? , LEGO LAND? - forget it . GERMANY HAS DAS BIG BOOT

BERLIN

foxy and dave have gone raving. me and pete are in some euro house. there`s mental little dogs here. gig tonight was a belter. people actually turned out to see us. probably more people that we`d ever get in the uk. the headline gigs have been a pleasant suprise, good venues, and people turning up and watching, and seemingly enjoying it, even on a sun, mon and tues night, traditionally dead nights for gigs, pretty much anywhere. tomorrow is a wednesday in cheminiz, we`ll see what thats like. ive heard good things about the place though. theres a big karl marx statue which i want to see. the town was named after him till 92 i think.


slovakia was good last night, too. first time there. i swerved the food though, ive got the runs BAD. not a pleasant sight.


almost bed time, before the rabble come home. long drive today, so knackered, even though i did nothing, our driver adam is giving it loads.
watched green zone today - boring. watched the last few episodes of party down - dead good.
listened to a few episodes of the mary whitehouse experience - does not stand up the test of time. shit.
albums that got me from bratislava to berlin-
paul mccartney - mccartney II
the streets - the hardest way to make an easy living
smoking popes - destination failure
pansy division - deflowered.


there you go. all good fun - a few days left then back to shitty work and to normal. at least the footy season starts soon.
mark

PAINTED LADIES GET BENT

BINGO: WE HAVE SUN: SO WENT FOR A SWIM DOWN FROm THE HOTEL: DIVING BOARD HAD SPIDERS UNDER IT THAT WER OFF RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: AS BIG AS YER ED: BACKFLIPS:FRONTFLIPS:TOPERDO DIVES AND THE DADDY::::THE GOOD OLD BOMB:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
THE HILL WE CAME UP TO GET TO THE POOL WAS CRYING OUT TO BE BOMBED: GOT ME BOARD OUT THE BACK AND AWAY I WENT: HAD TO FOOT DRAG RIGHT FRON THE START: THEN THROT FUCK IT: LETS GO: :::SPEED WOBBLES AND ITS ROAD RASH CENTRAL: ET SHIT BIGTIME: FUCK ME : LOOKED DOWN AND RIGHT FOOT WAS AT NEARLY QUATER PAST: TIME FOR THE HOSPITAL: AD THE DRIVER WAS FOLLOWING US ; SAID I CAME OFF AT 33 MPH: NO FUCKING WAY I COULD OF RAN OUT OF THAT: ANYWAY CLOCK THESE PICS:

12:30 - POP GOES THE SOCKET

 FUNNY THING IS THAT WHEN THE NURSE PULLED ME SOCK OFF SHE CLOCKED ME TOES AND LOOKED UP: "VERY NICE" -  SHE SAYS AND PROCEEDS TO SHOW ALL HER MATES THEM: 4 NURSES AND 4 DOCTORS

2PM -DOC  STICKS ME UNDER SO THEY CANT POP FOOT BACK IN- NIGHTY BASTARD NIGHT

THE DOC

3:15PM - JOB DONE - BACK THE WARD TO SLEEP ANEASTHETIC OFF

5PM  -  DISCHARGED - GOT A FREE WALKING STICK 

10PM - BIG BLUE GAFFERED CAST LOOKS LIKE A WELLY - STILL GOT OZZY WRISTBAND ON

FUCK ME ; A TWAT OF A DAY ; CABBAGED FOR REST OF TOUR: ON CRUTCHES - CANT LIFT ANYTHING: GOT TO STAND STILL LIKE A NAIL WHEN WE PLAY: LEAST WE ARE PLAYING; OTHER TURDS WOULD ROLL OVER ,PACK UP AND GO HOME : BALLS TO THAT: SSS IS STILL ROLLING DEEP

THE GIG WAS MEGA: PLAYING WISE- THE BEST ONE TECHNICALLY: GOT MEGA FOOD - VENUE WAS SMALL AND A DOSS. PROPPED UP WITH A MIC STAND - FIRST TIME USED ONE.  SITE SEEING VIENNA TOMOZ WITH OUR MATE THOMAS. 2nd HAND CRUTCH SHOP HERE WE COME

5 PAINTED LADIES

WHEN YOUR ON TOUR - ALONE IN YOUR BED
BLUE BALLS AND NO BIRD TO PULL OFF YOUR HEAD
FOR INSPIRATION - PULL OUT YOUR FAKE LEG

RAIN - CRO-MAGSSS - RAIN

  EURO HOOFS ALL OVER THE PLACE - THIS ONE NEXT TO ME FOR CROMAGSSS

LICK OF ME BUM BUM ?

THIS TAIL WAS INFRONT OF ME IN THE QUE

HE SHOPS HERE

ASKD HIM IF HE "WANTED A LICK OF ME BUM BUM"

WHO WE SLEEP WITH

AFTER HANOVER GIG WE DROVE TO QUEEDLESBERG.
(THATS NOT THE SPELLING BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT)
ITS PINNOCHIO HOUSE CENTRAL - LOADS OF OLD GERMAN HOUSES THAT
ARE ALL KROOKED  WITH TILE ROOFS AND MEGA LOOKING.
WE SLEPT UNDER THESE

DAVE GOT THE WOMEN
MARK GOT BRITNEY
PETE GOT BACKSTREETED
I GOT SYSTIC-VI-BRO SIS

SSSlapshot

FEELS LIKE WE BIN AWAY FOR A WEEK.ITS ONLY BIN A DAY.
ANHYWAY.FIRST GIG IN HANOVER GERMANY WEITH SLAPSHOT.
KNOWN THIS MOB FOR AGES AND GOOD TO CATCH UP AND HAVE A GAB.
GREAT TO AROUND PEOPLE OF YOUR OWN AGE THAT HAVE EQUALLY HAD ENUFF.
CHOKE -"WILL TOREZ BE READY TO PLAY?"
FOXY - "DONT ASK ME ABOUT FOOTY-I CANT STAND IT"
THE FOOD WAS CRAAAAAAAAAAP AT THIS GIG. VEG THAT WAS BOILED TO DETH.
THE VIRGINAL BACKDROP GOT ROLLED OUT AND HUNG UP. WE HAVE MADE IT.
SLAPSHOT ARE STILL A MEGA BAND. ALL THE FAVES AND SOME NEW STUFF TO BOOT.

BRUCE BANNER

BEING THE UKS BEST SEMI PROFESSIONAL CROSSOVER OUTFIT
WE'D THORT WE HAD TO STEP UP THE PACE TO AT LEAST A QUATER OF THE PART.

RECORDING AN LP MAKES YOU INTO A PROPER BAND.
SO HAVING A BACKDROP TAKES YOU INTO THE HEAVENS.
HERES A GUIDE TO MAKING ONE FOR YORSELF

BLING TEETH

LEFT LIVERPOOL AT 10PM YESTERDAY .SWAM THE CHANNEL. 5 COUNTRIES LATER WE GOT OUT THE VAN IN GERMANY . PAID FOR A PISS IN THE SERVICES AND SPENT ANOTHER EURO UPDATING THE BANDS DENTAL WORK WITH THESE BAD GERMAN BOYS. DAS TEEF NOW GOOD YAR

WE CANT GET RIGHT ......

THERES THE CHEESE FACTORY KIDS

LIVERPOOL - mello mello

WRECK and ANNOY - dates and places

TOUR DIAREAH IS BORN